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Coherence Mistakes in IELTS Essay

There is new video from Adam with common IELTS Essay mistakes.

 

Summary

Original Mistakes Adam's Rewrite
Waste recycling has become environmentally as well as economically important in most developed countries. It is believed that the amount of domestic refuse, which that is recycled is much less than it should be. Some people suggest that to increase recycling rates, governments should impose laws to force their citizens to recycle more of their garbage. As far as I am concerned, recycling is a responsibility for both governments and citizens to share., and laws are just part of what is required to ensure it is done. - Use passive voice only once per sentence.
- Do not mention the statement that will not be supported in the following paragraphs.
As awareness of environmental challenges grows, more and more people are calling on governments to introduce laws to force people to engage in recycling programs. While I agree that the authorities have a duty to promote waste reclamation, I believe that legal enforcement is not the only method to employ; education is just as vital.
On the one hand, regulations should exist to make individuals recycle household litter. Countries that put set rules for recycling, such as Sweden and Finland, have high rates of recycling compared to countries that do not make it a legal requirement. Even when citizens know about the advantages of waste recycling, for instance as they do in France for instance, but governments do not fear punishment people who are not if they do not participate in it, they are more likely to dispose produce more rubbish than exploit it in through recycling. This proves suggests that recycling should be enforced by laws. -Be careful with synonyms, their meaning may not be appropriate.
- Be clean when you use «on the one hand» and «on the other hand», the reader should know in advance about the possible options.
Regulations should certainly exist to ensure individuals sort through their household refuse to separate reusable materials. Even when citizens know about the advantages of doing this, but do not fear punishment if they do not participate in it, they are more likely to produce added waste. On the other hand, if households face fines for neglecting environmental protection rules such as these, they would be more likely to take the extra few minutes to place plastics, papers, and other reusable items in their proper bins rather than lose out financially. In fact, countries that set up such systems, such as Sweden and Finland, have higher rates of recycling compared to countries that do not make it a legal requirement, suggesting that these laws are effective.
On the other hand, recycling needs requires that people co-operatione with governments and this could cannot be achieved without increaseing public awareness about the importance of recycling. Governments should educate people about why recycling is beneficial and how to sort trash into different bins., as is done Iin Singapore, where the government has held campaigns to educate people about recycling and has added it to school programmes. These measures have resulted in a marked increase in the percentage of people who have participateto in domestic recycleing their domestic refuse programs. This  signifies that the public's role is imperative to promote recycling rates. - It is necessary to replace the main word with phrases.
- First, just answer the essay question directly, then engage in decoration and reasoning.
That being said, recycling programs require co-operation from the public and this cannot be achieved without increasing awareness of the importance of recycling. Governments should therefore educate people about the benefits involved, as well as how to sort trash into different bins. To illustrate, the government in Singapore holds regular campaigns to teach people about recycling, including in school programmes. These measures have resulted in a marked increase in the percentage of people who participate in these programs. This signifies that the public's role is imperative to promote higher recycling rates.
In conclusion, exploiting waste in through different recycling processes will protect the environment and booster a countries'y economy. Governments should make it a legal issue and punish people who are reluctant to recycle their household trash. However, before putting recycling laws into effect, governments should educate citizens about recycling this process. - The conclusions are not disclosed in the middle part. In conclusion, as exploiting waste through different salvaging processes protects the environment, governments should make it a legal issue and punish people who are reluctant to do their part. However, concurrent to implementing these laws, governments should educate citizens about this process.

 

Vocabulary

  • boost - an increase or improvement
  • concurrent - agreeing or consistent
  • dispose - determine the course of events
  • domestic - relating to the running of a home or to family relations
  • exploit - make full use of and derive benefit from (a resource)
  • imperative - of vital importance; crucial
  • impose - orce (an unwelcome decision or ruling) on someone put (a restriction) in place
  • litter - rubbish such as paper, tins, and bottles left lying in an open or public place
  • neglect - not pay proper attention to; disregard
  • participate - be involved; take part
  • refuse - matter thrown away or rejected as worthless; rubbish
  • reluctant - unwilling and hesitant; disinclined
  • salvage - the rescue of property or material from potential loss or destruction

Sources of information was used for preparing this article:

  1. WriteToTop

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